I had a friend of mine Thursday pull me aside and with a worried voice, said she had to tell me something shed been worrying about. You guessed it, shes pregnant. but i AM SO HAPPY FOR HER!! She is a wonderful person and I hate that some of my friends feel ashamed to tell me these things. Yes it sucks. Yes Im jealous, but above all that? I am ecstatic for you!
Granted, those people on facebook i barely know but have too much heart to delete, that post ultrasound pics every single day over and over...they, I would like to smack...lol
This makes 7....seven people I can name that are pregnant right now..wow. According to Jim, something is in the water...;) I just dont dwell on it. I just think ok we are on day 7 of the basal temp chart and carry on..we are heading in the direction. Im not even imagining what if my eggs are not good..what if that 55% isnt enough..NONE of that. Day 7 of basal temp. thats what day it is. Nothing else.
On a side note, I used to look so forward to weekends, but man is it hard to sleep without my husband here. eep! I love having the entire weeks with him and enjoying life but im a newlywed still ya know...and i hate sleeping alone, even for three days, so HELLOOO sleeping pills!..:) selfish me..lol but id rather snuggle with my hottie husband..right..?! <3 Life is good..im off to finangle up some lunch...
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Set fire to the rain....
So so so...hmm whats up with me..well we took our new boat into the OPEN OCEAN for the first time yesterday! :) it was awesome! She did great. The SS Everlong is a great boat. <3 we stayed out there all day, island hopping, swimming, fishing...Life is good..
As for my usual reparte', nothing new to report. We are 5 days into the 31 day Basal Temp readings every morning. So odd to have you all along on this journey...If anyone goes through this and hits on my page though, and it helps them? Im happy. So 26 more days of temperature readings, then intensive blood work, then we will know if I, Dana Graves, can have my own little bambino (via surrogate of course). So Ill update as my story goes. Im trying this whole one day at a time aspect..or rather one step at the time. It still sucks. but you know thats when i tell myself that I have quite possibly the absolute greatest family, friend, and in law network EVER. Hell, my mother in law said she is going to ask her OB/GYN is SHE can carry her own grandchild. This woman is amazed.
School is still good..3 weeks into my 8 week term and I currently have a 98 and 96 average..*pat on back* Im working very very hard to be succcessful and handle the self doubt of things I cant control that are going on with my personal life. big girl panties ON!!! :)
random side, went to the doctor today for horrible indigestion Ive suddenly developed..(I, who has a tummy of IRON and never ever have had indigestion in 30 years) so yea. i have gallstones. asshole little things. so add that to my list, gotta plan within the next few weeks to get it ganked out..
tired of losing my body parts...:/
off to do essays..wooohooo...
As for my usual reparte', nothing new to report. We are 5 days into the 31 day Basal Temp readings every morning. So odd to have you all along on this journey...If anyone goes through this and hits on my page though, and it helps them? Im happy. So 26 more days of temperature readings, then intensive blood work, then we will know if I, Dana Graves, can have my own little bambino (via surrogate of course). So Ill update as my story goes. Im trying this whole one day at a time aspect..or rather one step at the time. It still sucks. but you know thats when i tell myself that I have quite possibly the absolute greatest family, friend, and in law network EVER. Hell, my mother in law said she is going to ask her OB/GYN is SHE can carry her own grandchild. This woman is amazed.
School is still good..3 weeks into my 8 week term and I currently have a 98 and 96 average..*pat on back* Im working very very hard to be succcessful and handle the self doubt of things I cant control that are going on with my personal life. big girl panties ON!!! :)
random side, went to the doctor today for horrible indigestion Ive suddenly developed..(I, who has a tummy of IRON and never ever have had indigestion in 30 years) so yea. i have gallstones. asshole little things. so add that to my list, gotta plan within the next few weeks to get it ganked out..
tired of losing my body parts...:/
off to do essays..wooohooo...
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Didnt sign up for this...
Im frustrated. Irritated. And angry.
Good news first? I started college again last week to work on my second degree. currently I have a 98 and a 94 average in my classes. This makes me happy. Ecstatic even. :)
We bought a boat. We love it. We live at the beach, so ya neeeeeeeed a boat right? its gorgeous...
so onto the crap mood...
we met with our IVF doctor today. Hes great. Bless this man who all day gives out good and bad news to us poor women. I cant imagine doing that. So after going over my medical records and multiple surgeries which converged into the dreaded hysterectomy last year, he says ok. This is the plan. First plan of action is we need to check your eggs and make sure your one ovary you have is still producing. Hes concerned as I have had so many surgeries and endometriosis issues, that my eggs wont be viable. This terrifies me. I almost lost it, right then. Jim squeezed my hand and kept me there. So for the next month, I have to take my temperature once i open my eyes. Dont get out of bed, Just take my temp before moving. Then next month, i have to have a bajillion blood tests. THEN we will know if ivf surrogacy is even an option. So the waiting game. if/once Im cleared, the work begins. I have to be on pills and FOUR injections a day to amp my eggs up, find a surrogate (please GOD, let me find a friend who loves me that much...please please...) implant her, then have a baby in nine months..hopefully (the actually % we have is 55%..scary yes...). If my eggs are viable we should be looking for a surrogate the end of this year. So keep me in your prayers, dear readers..(all six of you...) as we really need to find a surrogate whose a friend. A friend can file it on their insurance and we pay all co pays..deductibles..food craving..clothes..WHATEVER...but if we have to use a stranger, its like 50, 000 bucks. That takes away my dream of mommyhood.
On the other side of the coin, if my eggs *sigh* arent viable, then we will look into adoption. Which is also ridiculously priced, then they wonder why more people dont do it. Oh, and the kicker is most adoption laws mandate you must be married a minimum of 2-3 years before youre eligible...but the crackhead down the street has kids evry year....its frustrating.
again.
and again.
and im tired of being frustrated by this grand old world.
I am finding it harder to get over it and think oh well this is just my little red wagon.
If onemore person says, oh go adopt (not that easy), God never gives you more than you can handle (can you handle my fist in your face?), or oh itll be ok (how do you know?) then im going postal.
Im dealing with this. VERY well, mind you. I have a wonderful husband, fantastic family, and great friends. This WILL be ok. i know it. Either way. but i will have days where i want to scream my lungs out, cry until i pass out, or have a stiff drink to combat the sadness. Its normal, and i know this.
but I just want to say...just once..ITS NOT FAIR. Its not. Never was. But here I am. Here we are. And i will get through this. We are heading into battle, dear soul...take cover...
Good news first? I started college again last week to work on my second degree. currently I have a 98 and a 94 average in my classes. This makes me happy. Ecstatic even. :)
We bought a boat. We love it. We live at the beach, so ya neeeeeeeed a boat right? its gorgeous...
so onto the crap mood...
we met with our IVF doctor today. Hes great. Bless this man who all day gives out good and bad news to us poor women. I cant imagine doing that. So after going over my medical records and multiple surgeries which converged into the dreaded hysterectomy last year, he says ok. This is the plan. First plan of action is we need to check your eggs and make sure your one ovary you have is still producing. Hes concerned as I have had so many surgeries and endometriosis issues, that my eggs wont be viable. This terrifies me. I almost lost it, right then. Jim squeezed my hand and kept me there. So for the next month, I have to take my temperature once i open my eyes. Dont get out of bed, Just take my temp before moving. Then next month, i have to have a bajillion blood tests. THEN we will know if ivf surrogacy is even an option. So the waiting game. if/once Im cleared, the work begins. I have to be on pills and FOUR injections a day to amp my eggs up, find a surrogate (please GOD, let me find a friend who loves me that much...please please...) implant her, then have a baby in nine months..hopefully (the actually % we have is 55%..scary yes...). If my eggs are viable we should be looking for a surrogate the end of this year. So keep me in your prayers, dear readers..(all six of you...) as we really need to find a surrogate whose a friend. A friend can file it on their insurance and we pay all co pays..deductibles..food craving..clothes..WHATEVER...but if we have to use a stranger, its like 50, 000 bucks. That takes away my dream of mommyhood.
On the other side of the coin, if my eggs *sigh* arent viable, then we will look into adoption. Which is also ridiculously priced, then they wonder why more people dont do it. Oh, and the kicker is most adoption laws mandate you must be married a minimum of 2-3 years before youre eligible...but the crackhead down the street has kids evry year....its frustrating.
again.
and again.
and im tired of being frustrated by this grand old world.
I am finding it harder to get over it and think oh well this is just my little red wagon.
If onemore person says, oh go adopt (not that easy), God never gives you more than you can handle (can you handle my fist in your face?), or oh itll be ok (how do you know?) then im going postal.
Im dealing with this. VERY well, mind you. I have a wonderful husband, fantastic family, and great friends. This WILL be ok. i know it. Either way. but i will have days where i want to scream my lungs out, cry until i pass out, or have a stiff drink to combat the sadness. Its normal, and i know this.
but I just want to say...just once..ITS NOT FAIR. Its not. Never was. But here I am. Here we are. And i will get through this. We are heading into battle, dear soul...take cover...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)