Sittin on the Dock On the Bay....watching my cares wash away...

I have to say..I am amazed by the complete OUTPOURING of support and happy thoughts that we have receieved since revealing our infertility and adoption path. It makes me heart so warm to get the prayers, the messages, the simple smiles. We really didnt know what if any support we would get and wow. just. wow. My friends are amazing. Even their friends that I have never met. It goes toshow that there wonderful caring people in this world. Words dont even tell it. So for anyone wh has sent us happy thoughts, messages, those who have ordered off my thirty one page knowing all proceeds go towards our adoption fund, THANK YOU. From the very bottom of my heart. I have struggled with bitterness this week and today? today has made it better. Bless you all. and fyi, I cant remember if I posted it earlier, so here is the thirty one site also.. www.mythirtyone.com/danagraves1

PayPal Donate Link a friend set up for us!

my friends are amazing. This is a PayPal link for donations for our ADOPTION fund! <3 my cup runneth over..

Taking the path less travelled..

So, here we are. The decision has been made FOR us at this point. 

We have to adopt. Yep. Surrogacy is out...through no fault of ours, but its out, so here we go. We have met with a few agencies and heres what we know. We need $18,000. 

Yep.

Ridiculous isnt it? Then they wonder why more people dont adopt. Sure you can adopt a sickly or older child from foster care for nothing but for a newborn, one that comes out and comes straight to your arms? Eighteen Grand. *sigh*
So our first order of business is to get the home study done. That itself is $1500. I have a couple friends who are asking their churches for donations, which i find awesome. Amazing. Simply the best. That is above and beyond, because honestly, ever single penny is helpful. So yea, if any of you have any ideas for fundraising or etc let me know..Im lost...all over again...

I have started consulting for thirty-one to make extra money to save for the adoption. If anyone wants a party let me know. Its actually pretty freaking awesome stuff. And priced good. People can order from anywhere, you dont have to go to a party, as I have a WEBSITE! (Imagine that) ;) so if you know anyone who needs pretty things or christmas..kids..etc have a look..<3 If you order from my site, i get credit for it, and THAT helps the baby fund. 
www.mythirtyone.com/danagraves1

ok shameless plug over..

Im calling the DHR here in Baldwin county on Monday to see if we have any options with them....heres to hoping..again..

I dont think my faith has ever been shook this much. apparently infertiity will make you insane before its over. Lets hope not. 

off to do homework...happy thoughts...happy thoughts..

anyone got a money tree in their back yard?...ha!

Here we go again of our own....

So. Today has been the hardest. Today became the day I didn't think I could take anymore. This week started fantastic. I mean, my bloodwork came back good...we were told my One ovary was healthy and we wer cleared for surrogacy. We were ecstatic. Jim had to go in for his 'man work' yesterday as a formality... Then the phone rang this morning... My strapping, amazing, wonderful husbands semen analysis was not good. Like zero. I fell apart. The hits just keep coming. We had worried, gotten good news, gotten excited, now this. Welcome back, square one. Well played fate, well played... So again, Monday we go,back to the doctor. More bloodwork..urologist..hope and pray its a simple matter of a blockage. Hey that's easily fixable. Otherwise, we are out of options. Endof the road. And that... Scares the hell out of me... I can't remember the last time I cried like I have today. I asked Jim what we'd done to deserve this? Haven't we been through enough? I think so. Bad things happen to good people I guess. It's trying to make me bitter and I'm trying not to be. But it hurts. So much. And it's not fair. At all. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Goodnight.

ladee dadee dah...

tiny update!
Got the call. WE ARE CLEARED FOR SURROGACY!!! my eggs are HEALTHY!!! :D there are no words for the happiness i felt with that call..wow..jsut wow..
so we go in Tuesday to meet with the financial rep and see exactly what this will all cost..
so brand new worries..lol Im a lucky girl to haev the family and friends I do to help me through it though..<3 lucky me..
more to come!

Youd be like heaven to touch..

Today has been a good day.
there, i said it.
:D after NOT sleeping at all last night, we made our way to the office of Dr Koulianos...I was so scared my stomach had started hurting...
blood work drawn...(which we will know in about a week, so mre to come on that!) he drew 7 tubes..whew!
and the piece de resitance...when she did my ultrasound (transvaginal of course..ugh..think Id be used to them..) According to the Doctor, i need a MINIMUM of 4 follicles for IVF. The typical ovary makes 8. So shes staring at my screen and...*drumroll* FOURTEEN!!! 14 follicles!!1 10 more than needed! ohmygod..you dont even KNOW the abject happiness that came then. I felt as if a weight had lifted right off!
Im an overachiever, what can i say? :) 14. what agreat number for this day. I will sleep soundly tonight. The sleep of a woman who isnt worried at the moment.
yes, the labwork results could change everything, BUT the most important was that number. THAT was what kept me awake last night crying into my pillow.
so thanks for the thoughts..the prayers..everything. I FELT the happy thoughts being sent to me and that, dear friends, means teh world over.

my cup runneth over...<3

so now Im exhausted..heading to bed..(these 14 follicles needs their sleep!!)
more to come when i hear from the doc..

goodnight moon..

Pity party of one....

I'm struggling tonight. Tomorrow at 9am I go in for bloodwork and ultrasound. So this means this is the week. The one where I find out if I can have my own baby. If my eggs as viable. I'm terrified I truly want my own. I want to see what tiny person Jim and I make. Yes we will adopt if that's our path but tonight? Tonight I feel broken. Like I was made wrong. I'm not good enough. And it hurts. And Jim's at work. Crying onto my dogs shoulder helps though. I could call my wonderful friends..Summer...Natalie..Wendy..they'd be there, but I'm trying to work through it. I'm tired of the sympathy. I can do this. I have to. I want to be a mommy so bad. It's bad enough I'll never carry one... Please at least let e have my own.. Please. I hate this weakness. Time to suck it up buttercup...people have it worse than me out there after all.. Ahhhhhhhhhhh Ok. I need to go to bed. I've vented, I probably sound insane, so my bad... Goodnight. Tomorrws a new day <3