IIIIIIIIIIII'm hooked on a feelinnnnn....

So Im halfway through my THIRD term of school as a junior college student (again) and this class im taking I have to write a FIFTEEN page paper on something Im passionate about. Easy. RIght? No way. I chose Infertility and Endometriosis obviously as Im a bit of an EXPERT at this point..but in writing it and reading all these articles it is SAD how many women are MISdiagnosed for an average of SEVEN years. I am astounded. Thinking back on myself, my first doctors appt for the 'death pain' was when I was 17..I was diagnosed with 'maybe' endo at 19...and full blown OMG kill me now stage IV endo at age 25 follwed by a hysterectomy at age 28. So my timeline was six years. Six years that could and should have been spent preserving my fertility. But bygones are bygones and there is nothing I can do about it now. One of the comments on a discussion board i wrote a couple weeks ago was something to the effect of 'well its been this many years, why is it such a strong issue still?' um..well..I can never be a mom. It gets old saying that and dear readers youre probably tired of hearing it, but I live with it everyday. Some days more than others, so suck it (today more probably because my awesome hard working amazing husband is at work for his EIGHT 12 hr shift and im tired of sleeping by myself damnit). This is the only place I can whine about it and feel ok about it so whine I will..Today has just been one of those days and writing this paper is (though probably good for the soul) very hurtful some days bringing all this to the surface. Alas..for four more weeks I will write this paper, I will get mad, then sad, then smile and carry one, because well..thats what I do. All women do. With me, its lack of child bearing, for some its they have sick children, dying grandmas, cheating husbands, abusive relationships (been there)..we all have our little red wagon as my grandpa would have said. Some are bigger than others, but we all have em. Mine sucks. But its mine. So I will pull it until I can replace it with a baby carriage. And I will. Someday. Not this year. Maybe not next year. But one year. I will hear that word that I want to hear. Three letters that many take for granted. But I wont. Ill appreciate mine more than most. And lord knows I have the BEST teacher in the world...my own mom. So Ill keep pulling my wagon. It was given to me after all. Whats it they say? You wont be given more than you can handle. I.Am.Super.Woman. And she needs her sleep. so im off..goodnight world..