Reply by friend: have you considered her changing her mind?. ..um I can't even. I tried to handle it nicely because man his wife is so adorably sweet and amazing. But then my best friend saw it and shit hit the fan. Sigh. Of course I've considered it. It's there. Since January 19 when we first heard of our birth mom. It's a fear. A mind numbing one. It stops me from breathing sometimes. I have worked so very hard to push it in to the way way back and concentrate on the good but that one sentence brought it to the forefront. Ruined my moment. Replaced my happiness with tears and worry. It's the equivalent of asking a pregnant woman 'so what you gonna do if your baby dies?'. Jim was pissed needless to say. I don't want him to be mad at an old friend , I also need to start being more honest with defending my feelings too though. Adoption isn't fun. It isn't some dream we all want as children. It's not a happy land where every day yiu are full of magical happiness and never worry. There's so much more we go through than just having sex and getting pregnant. A biological made mom can never 'get it' . Granted im thankful it's easy for most people, but it hurts. We waited months to tell anyone for this reason. I don't want judgement and negativity. I want and need support and happiness. I almost wished we'd still kept it a secret. Then I remember the happy notes and texts and calls and happy years for us. THAT is what I bank on. This baby girl is my daughter and I wil protect get until the end. I will not let her think her story started with anything negative. She is loved. She is so so loved. And she is ours. In about 9 weeks will be a day I have waited my life for. And it will be the best day ever. I know ignorance comes along with adoption. The comments are only going to get more frequent but I refuse to hide my happiness. I refuse to let anyone make me doubt. So onward we go. A day closer to princess graves ❤️
No comments:
Post a Comment