A change is gone come...

Today could be life changing. After 5pm or first thing in the am I will know. How am I supposed to be patient? Xanax? Busy? I have been good all day. Here it is 4:41pm. Now my anxiety arises. I want good news. I need good news. I have been waiting for this. Please God let it happen today. I have said that same sentence all weekend..I have as much a chance as anyone else right..? I have no clue how many applied for this case..Im hoping none but me..which is a bit selfish. Im aware. But I have to be selfish about this. This cant be about anyone else but me and Jim. I have mountains of amazing people praying for me...I know if i dont get a happy ending today theyll say 'it wasnt time' 'God knows when'...and Ill get angry. Thats mean of me I suppose. But I cant help it. My mom is freaking as bad as me. So please. God. Jesus. Allah. Buddha. Karma. The tree in my front yard. I need this. Physically. Mentally. I cant imagine any other ending than a good one...I cant mentally ascertain that right now..so wait...and pray...and hope..please. 4:44pm...