Day 1..past the worst... ?

Still angry. I don't like this person I am when I'm upset. I'm a happy lady not mad. So not used to this . My lawyer feels bad for having to even give me the bad news so k made sure I told her I appreciated her. She is the middle man after all...I just don't understand though. This girl (21) has two ready not in her care. This new one was born addicted and went through withdrawals. Instead of going through with what she said she wanted now she suddenly wants to try to parent this one . So the courts and our twisted system will probably give her a year to get herself straight. So a year that child will be in foster..wondering why she doesn't have stability or a mom. This sucks on all counts . The system sucks . But as most thjngs, I didn't ask for this and I'm not the first or last to feel this way. So I see tomorrow as a brighter day and I'll move along . I repeat to myself that it'll happen/ be patient/ even when I want to scream. (And I do) but I can so this. I think..endometriosis? Check. Fibroids? Check. Cancer cells? Check. Surgery 5 times? Check. Gallbladder being bad? Check. Hysterectomy? Check. So I'm adding this to my little red wagon I've been given. Deep breaths and carrying on . I wish the very best for that fragile baby girl who deserves it all. Yet I can't help but loathe the woman who put her in that space, mistreated her, played with our emotions, yet still may get her. Shame on her . Shame. For me and any other couple who applied for her, we will all be ok. Somehow someway. That's all.