Soooooooo..Monday, the 16th I had to have a colonoscopy. Yep. Those words you think will not leave your mouth at the tender age of 30. If i could describe in one word? Ew.
I have to say i agree with the most people on the interwebz tho..the.prep.is.the.worst. Truly. Nothing to eat except broth..jello..water..juices..etc starting midnight Saturday night to surgery time on Monday. Starting at 3 pm i had to start drinking the nastiest thing ever at a rate of 10 oz every 10 minutes. Seriously?! I threw up 4 times..cried once...but i put on my big girl panties as they say and did it. I emptied my poor unhappy body by 7 pm..showered and proceeded to pass out on the shoulder of my handsome husband whod looked after me all day and cheered me on like my own personal cheerleader. Poor fella..married 7 months and already had to deal with me having a hysterectomy and now my bowels..really. I love this man. Anyway I digress...
So we get to the hospital at my appointed time..8am..and wait...and wait...
wait...wait...head hurts....wait...wait..tummy growls...wait..845...wait....have to smell the Subway next door baking cookies..*damn them* wait...905...915..im bout to throw up again...dear husband is informed that they are so very sorry but the Dr is running behind..*sigh* wait..Im having to wear my glasses as contacts arent 'allowed' in surgery ya know..so i feel ugly. unkempt.starved. I finally lay my head on Jim and close my eyes. I dont even have the energy to be a bitch. wait what was that?! did i dare hear it..."Mrs Graves..?" well butter my butt and call me a biscuit as they say..I bounded right up..instant happiness...
IV..check...hospital gown with my booty hanging out..check...a million and one questions asked..check..
Go into freezing cold room..see random tubes on wall and think..oh God..i know where thats going but man if thats what i gotta get through to eat..lets do this!!
Nurse comes in and says hey im giving you your drugs today..and fade to black...
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OUCH! wtf?! welcome back to the world eh?..ahh ok..im good im good..wait..whats that you say?!I have to....wait...I.Have.To.Pass.Gas.To.Leave?! in front of my husband and whomever the poor person is in the room on the other side of that curtain? Just F'ng fantastic...
*sigh*..lets do this...i think i can i think i can...
WhOoHoOo! i can leave...feed me feed me...my amazing awesome and sweet jim drops me off on the couch at home, hands me my pillow and blanket and goes and gets me some Ruby Tuesday..*YUM!* (have i said how much i adore this man!?)
All in all, it wasnt so bad. the prep was horrific and when im 50 and need this again, there had better be an easier way...a pill maybe? But i feel better. I know i dont have colon cancer. An evil procedure? Maybe..yet a necessary one..
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