Didnt sign up for this...

Im frustrated. Irritated. And angry. 
Good news first? I started college again last week to work on my second degree. currently I have a 98 and a 94 average in my classes. This makes me happy. Ecstatic even. :) 
We bought a boat. We love it. We live at the beach, so ya neeeeeeeed a boat right? its gorgeous...
so onto the crap mood...
we met with our IVF doctor today. Hes great. Bless this man who all day gives out good and bad news to us poor women. I cant imagine doing that. So after going over my medical records and multiple surgeries which converged into the dreaded hysterectomy last year, he says ok. This is the plan. First plan of action is we need to check your eggs and make sure your one ovary you have is still producing. Hes concerned as I have had so many surgeries and endometriosis issues, that my eggs wont be viable. This terrifies me. I almost lost it, right then. Jim squeezed my hand and kept me there. So for the next month, I have to take my temperature once i open my eyes. Dont get out of bed, Just take my temp before moving. Then next month, i have to have a bajillion blood tests. THEN we will know if ivf surrogacy is even an option. So the waiting game. if/once Im cleared, the work begins. I have to be on pills and FOUR injections a day to amp my eggs up, find a surrogate (please GOD, let me find a friend who loves me that much...please please...) implant her, then have a baby in nine months..hopefully (the actually % we have is 55%..scary yes...). If my eggs are viable we should be looking for a surrogate the end of this year. So keep me in your prayers, dear readers..(all six of you...) as we really need to find a surrogate whose a friend. A friend can file it on their insurance and we pay all co pays..deductibles..food craving..clothes..WHATEVER...but if we have to use a stranger, its like 50, 000 bucks. That takes away my dream of mommyhood. 
On the other side of the coin, if my eggs *sigh* arent viable, then we will look into adoption. Which is also ridiculously priced, then they wonder why more people dont do it. Oh, and the kicker is most adoption laws mandate you must be married a minimum of 2-3 years before youre eligible...but the crackhead down the street has kids evry year....its frustrating.
again.
and again.
and im tired of being frustrated by this grand old world.
I am finding it harder to get over it and think oh well this is just my little red wagon.
If onemore person says, oh go adopt (not that easy), God never gives you more than you can handle (can you handle my fist in your face?), or oh itll be ok (how do you know?) then im going postal.
Im dealing with this. VERY well, mind you. I have a wonderful husband, fantastic family, and great friends. This WILL be ok. i know it. Either way. but i will have days where i want to scream my lungs out, cry until i pass out, or have a stiff drink to combat the  sadness. Its normal, and i know this. 
but I just want to say...just once..ITS NOT FAIR. Its not. Never was. But here I am. Here we are. And i will get through this. We are heading into battle, dear soul...take cover...