Pity party of one....

I'm struggling tonight. Tomorrow at 9am I go in for bloodwork and ultrasound. So this means this is the week. The one where I find out if I can have my own baby. If my eggs as viable. I'm terrified I truly want my own. I want to see what tiny person Jim and I make. Yes we will adopt if that's our path but tonight? Tonight I feel broken. Like I was made wrong. I'm not good enough. And it hurts. And Jim's at work. Crying onto my dogs shoulder helps though. I could call my wonderful friends..Summer...Natalie..Wendy..they'd be there, but I'm trying to work through it. I'm tired of the sympathy. I can do this. I have to. I want to be a mommy so bad. It's bad enough I'll never carry one... Please at least let e have my own.. Please. I hate this weakness. Time to suck it up buttercup...people have it worse than me out there after all.. Ahhhhhhhhhhh Ok. I need to go to bed. I've vented, I probably sound insane, so my bad... Goodnight. Tomorrws a new day <3